Many Young, Middle aged Christian Youths makes some common mistakes when it comes to dating, and thereby end up been frustrated and having series of relationship breakups.
Unhealthy actions and advice from peer groups, self thought, idleness and lots have affected lots of young men and young women in making right decisions in their relationship. In case you are in this mess, don't feel bad about yourself, there is hope for you. And in case you have a friend, sister or colleague that's presently frustrated in his/her relationship, you may be a bad person not sharing this with Him/Her.
Below are Common Mistakes Single Christian Youth makes in relationship, and Possible Solution to this mistakes are also provided.
1. Using Church Activities as a Hide Out:
It is a good thing for you as a Christian to be active in Church activities, it is also nice to join groups and be committed to such as a Christian Youth. But while doing all these, you must also be careful not to miss out other relevant experience that will help you grow and sustain a good relationship with your spouse.
Many single Christian Men and Women use spending an excess amount of time in church as a cover-up to the fear that dwells within. Church is always their hide out. But beyond spending hours in the Church, there are still other lessons to learn out there that may not be found in the Church.
So it is high time you get yourself together and mingle. There are so many lessons a Christian single can learn from relating with Married couples, senior friends, Mummy and Daddies. Irrespective of how good or bad married couples, senior friends, neighbors in your environs are; they all have passed experiences, and each of this experience which you must have witnessed and still witnessing while growing up as a lady, or a guy should be a lesson for you to learn in other not to make same mistake. Nevertheless there mistake is not always a yardstick, but you must remember that God has a reason for placing us where we are. So even as you dedicate to serve God, you must be sensitive to understand when he is using other persons to teach you a lesson.
2. Being Desperate to hook up:
I know of several young men and women who have because their friends are married, engaged or are into a relationship has become desperate to also get hooked up with a suitor. It is a very dangerous step to take as a Christian Youth. You must know and understand that You are not Them and they can never be You as well. You are unique in your own way and God has made you a seed to richly and rightly regenerate at due season.
Note: Not every flashy hook-up you see have a good end. Miss A relationship can not be measured with that of Miss B. So as a Christian single lady, you must trust God always and wait for him for the appointed time before messing yourself up in just any relationship because you are frustrated to get one.
3. Letting other people control your relationship:
Many Christian relationship has been destroyed, slashed and end with confusion due to wrong advice from third parties. I put it to you that while seeking advice from Elders, Senior friends is a good measure, their advice and sense of mentoring can also destroy your relationship, if not carefully examined.
Counselors or Church friends usually mean well, but some people don't know how to stay out of other people's business. They will engage in what I call "prophetic meddling" by dropping hints, manipulating you to go out with someone or pushing you to marry someone you don't even want to be with. And while the gift of prophecy is valuable, you should never let personal prophecies steer your decisions about marriage. Let God personally guide you in this very personal area of life.
4. Dating on Mission: You will be like which one is dating on mission again? Don't worry, you will understand my point now.
Note: Never begin any romantic relationship with a guy or girl who is never a believer. People who get into this usually justify it with the old "I know I can change him/her" line. But the opposite always happens: The unbeliever changes you—after he or she has broken your heart, compromised your morals or damaged your faith. I have seen and witnessed this happened in the Northern Part of Nigeria.
5. Insecurity:
Spiritual stalking can be a bad move. Lots of guys are fond of this, always checking by their girls' houses regularly to monitor her moves, see who she spend time with, check their phone and troll their Facebook pages. That's a very bad habit. May i confess to you that i have done that before, but the truth of the matter is, it was never helpful. If you have to sneak around like a private detective to get a date, you need a new strategy. And if a woman tells you she is not interested in going out with you, please Brother, honor her request and move on. Don't develop an unhealthy obsession. And never, never, never tell a girl: "God told me you will be my wife." That's manipulative and could fall under the category of sexual harassment. Be guided.
6. Sex As A Yardstick to Love:
Many Christian Ladies have giving away their virginity to prove their love to their guys. Christians youths have fall to this trap of using sex to reel the opposite sex, having in mind that this will possibly keep Him or Her from going away. It is a terrible mistake, and peradventure you have fall into this, you need to make a U-turn and return to God, having asked for forgiveness, ask Him to align you so that you will take right decision in your next relationship, fully guided by Him.
Stay focused and don't allow yourself to be manipulated with sweet mouth or lust in the name of Love.
7. Not Taking Time To Heal:
Virtually 70% if not more have had issues in their relationship. Most especially in this century we are in. Many Christian Youths have fall in the category of the previous point above, but it will be a terrible thing if after you have experienced such and you are still in haste to mingle again.
The idea that we should find someone to fill in the gap is a way to destruction. What you may get may be terrible than the previous date. Spend time with God when you have finally discovered where you've Erred. Let him lead you in the next direction. Take time to learn more spiritually, morally and other ways to help you have a healthy relationship at the set time.
8. Looking For a Perfect Match: Don't be deceived with Religion, There is no such as 'Perfect Match'.
Two Masters can leave under same roof, neither can there be a 100% human. Some single Christians, very common this days have become so focused on finding a “Man of God” or "Woman of God". Many who have hide under this umbrella later discovered they were being deceived all along. Get this, there should be less focus on his/her resume, and more focus on if a genuine connection exists. Any man or Woman who God truly has for you will eventually understand your weakness and strength, and will stick to you with that understanding. And that's who a Man of God is, not the Tall, Light skinned, pocket filled, dark and handsome, Career man/woman, Nice toned voice, Holy Ghost filled man you may be assuming. Understanding and heart defines a Perfect Man or Woman.
Be focused, God is never an Author of confusion. He is always ready to guide us with the help of the Holy Spirit to take good decision and move in our relationship, but only when we yield our heart to Him. Make Bible your friend, Pray always, Be Open to learning, Stay positive and Leave right.
Unhealthy actions and advice from peer groups, self thought, idleness and lots have affected lots of young men and young women in making right decisions in their relationship. In case you are in this mess, don't feel bad about yourself, there is hope for you. And in case you have a friend, sister or colleague that's presently frustrated in his/her relationship, you may be a bad person not sharing this with Him/Her.
Below are Common Mistakes Single Christian Youth makes in relationship, and Possible Solution to this mistakes are also provided.
1. Using Church Activities as a Hide Out:
It is a good thing for you as a Christian to be active in Church activities, it is also nice to join groups and be committed to such as a Christian Youth. But while doing all these, you must also be careful not to miss out other relevant experience that will help you grow and sustain a good relationship with your spouse.
Many single Christian Men and Women use spending an excess amount of time in church as a cover-up to the fear that dwells within. Church is always their hide out. But beyond spending hours in the Church, there are still other lessons to learn out there that may not be found in the Church.
So it is high time you get yourself together and mingle. There are so many lessons a Christian single can learn from relating with Married couples, senior friends, Mummy and Daddies. Irrespective of how good or bad married couples, senior friends, neighbors in your environs are; they all have passed experiences, and each of this experience which you must have witnessed and still witnessing while growing up as a lady, or a guy should be a lesson for you to learn in other not to make same mistake. Nevertheless there mistake is not always a yardstick, but you must remember that God has a reason for placing us where we are. So even as you dedicate to serve God, you must be sensitive to understand when he is using other persons to teach you a lesson.
2. Being Desperate to hook up:
I know of several young men and women who have because their friends are married, engaged or are into a relationship has become desperate to also get hooked up with a suitor. It is a very dangerous step to take as a Christian Youth. You must know and understand that You are not Them and they can never be You as well. You are unique in your own way and God has made you a seed to richly and rightly regenerate at due season.
Note: Not every flashy hook-up you see have a good end. Miss A relationship can not be measured with that of Miss B. So as a Christian single lady, you must trust God always and wait for him for the appointed time before messing yourself up in just any relationship because you are frustrated to get one.
3. Letting other people control your relationship:
Many Christian relationship has been destroyed, slashed and end with confusion due to wrong advice from third parties. I put it to you that while seeking advice from Elders, Senior friends is a good measure, their advice and sense of mentoring can also destroy your relationship, if not carefully examined.Counselors or Church friends usually mean well, but some people don't know how to stay out of other people's business. They will engage in what I call "prophetic meddling" by dropping hints, manipulating you to go out with someone or pushing you to marry someone you don't even want to be with. And while the gift of prophecy is valuable, you should never let personal prophecies steer your decisions about marriage. Let God personally guide you in this very personal area of life.
4. Dating on Mission: You will be like which one is dating on mission again? Don't worry, you will understand my point now.
2 Corinthians 6:14 (Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?) NLT Translation.
You must have heard or read through this portion of the Bible before.Note: Never begin any romantic relationship with a guy or girl who is never a believer. People who get into this usually justify it with the old "I know I can change him/her" line. But the opposite always happens: The unbeliever changes you—after he or she has broken your heart, compromised your morals or damaged your faith. I have seen and witnessed this happened in the Northern Part of Nigeria.
5. Insecurity:
Spiritual stalking can be a bad move. Lots of guys are fond of this, always checking by their girls' houses regularly to monitor her moves, see who she spend time with, check their phone and troll their Facebook pages. That's a very bad habit. May i confess to you that i have done that before, but the truth of the matter is, it was never helpful. If you have to sneak around like a private detective to get a date, you need a new strategy. And if a woman tells you she is not interested in going out with you, please Brother, honor her request and move on. Don't develop an unhealthy obsession. And never, never, never tell a girl: "God told me you will be my wife." That's manipulative and could fall under the category of sexual harassment. Be guided.
6. Sex As A Yardstick to Love:
Many Christian Ladies have giving away their virginity to prove their love to their guys. Christians youths have fall to this trap of using sex to reel the opposite sex, having in mind that this will possibly keep Him or Her from going away. It is a terrible mistake, and peradventure you have fall into this, you need to make a U-turn and return to God, having asked for forgiveness, ask Him to align you so that you will take right decision in your next relationship, fully guided by Him.
Stay focused and don't allow yourself to be manipulated with sweet mouth or lust in the name of Love.
7. Not Taking Time To Heal:
Virtually 70% if not more have had issues in their relationship. Most especially in this century we are in. Many Christian Youths have fall in the category of the previous point above, but it will be a terrible thing if after you have experienced such and you are still in haste to mingle again.
The idea that we should find someone to fill in the gap is a way to destruction. What you may get may be terrible than the previous date. Spend time with God when you have finally discovered where you've Erred. Let him lead you in the next direction. Take time to learn more spiritually, morally and other ways to help you have a healthy relationship at the set time.
8. Looking For a Perfect Match: Don't be deceived with Religion, There is no such as 'Perfect Match'.
Two Masters can leave under same roof, neither can there be a 100% human. Some single Christians, very common this days have become so focused on finding a “Man of God” or "Woman of God". Many who have hide under this umbrella later discovered they were being deceived all along. Get this, there should be less focus on his/her resume, and more focus on if a genuine connection exists. Any man or Woman who God truly has for you will eventually understand your weakness and strength, and will stick to you with that understanding. And that's who a Man of God is, not the Tall, Light skinned, pocket filled, dark and handsome, Career man/woman, Nice toned voice, Holy Ghost filled man you may be assuming. Understanding and heart defines a Perfect Man or Woman.
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I so believe and understand that there are many point and principles that can help you build a healthy relationship out there and even in your Church. I also trust God that this few point stated here will help you adjust and make a good decision concerning your relationship.Be focused, God is never an Author of confusion. He is always ready to guide us with the help of the Holy Spirit to take good decision and move in our relationship, but only when we yield our heart to Him. Make Bible your friend, Pray always, Be Open to learning, Stay positive and Leave right.
God Bless you!
:::::Richard O. Joshua::::
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